Archives for the month of: August, 2010

One of the reasons that I chose to blog about mothering and I called it Mothers’ Rights is because it’s an important part of everyone’s lives (and I do mean everyone, everyone has a link to mother in one way or another, even if they aren’t a mother themselves.) I would love to have a discussion with other mothers about how they feel about mothering. Is mothering a recognised role in society and if it is, is it respected? Point in case a business man was once discussing political events, and I added my two cents worth. He said to me, ‘What would you know you don’t live in reality.’ So not working and taking care of children is not living in the ‘real’ world. I’m sure this is true to a lot of people, and maybe I even believe it to a certain extent.

I think mothering mostly taken for granted and very little understood. Even by us mothers ourselves. I feel like we don’t respect ourselves enough for what we do. I know that I haven’t and am only just beginning to. And the truth is the more that I pay attention to my parenting role and the more I realise some truths about my life and that of my children the more I realise just how valuable I am as MOTHER.

What do I mean? Well if I see myself just as the mommy taxi (which I most certainly am), the shopper, the dresser, the breakfast, lunch, dinner maker then that is all I am. To myself, to my hubbie and to my 3 darling princes. As I’ve begun taking the journey of asking what I want, what inspires me. Like writing a blog and sharing ideas. Then I have a deeper sense of self and my kids pick that up and they see me more as a person than a mother.

My 6 year old son wrote his first creative writing piece today. It was about his mother. I was very nervous when he announced that he’d written a piece about me. That he’d say, ‘My mother is a three headed monster who likes to eat me up for supper.’ But he didn’t he wrote, ‘My mother is a penalty shooter.’ You see I’m a person, almost on the level of Christiano Renaldo (Heaven help me I don’t know how to spell his name – don’t tell my son.) He did add that I make supper – see I am a normal Mum. He also wrote that I had a baby in my stomach. Very mummy stuff. If it wasn’t for the penalty shoot out I would have been quite disappointed. Because as I was saying I want to be a person in my house, not just a mother with a feather duster in her pocket. (That is a very old fashioned description – but I’m sure you get the picture.) I want to give my kids and husband the benefit of knowing and loving a real person, not just a mummy martyr.

‘Mummy Martyr?’ you ask. Well don’t tell me you don’t know what that is. It’s the subject for another blog.

Please send me your thoughts, comments, and ideas on being a Mom. There’s so much unknown and so much to learn in the sea of parenthood, sometimes choppy, sometimes smooth, and sometimes angelic, like my three boys letting me sleep in yesterday whilst they watercoloured.

Just as I decide to write a blog about mothering I read in Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’ that we as evolved human beings are meant to move beyond our roles and into being. Uh oh where does that leave me? Other people can blog about yachting or chocolate making (is there really a chocolate making one – I want to read it). But at the age of 29 with three boys, ages 6, 4 and 2, the thing I’ve put well over 10,000 hours into is being a good, old mum. Now after reading Eckhart Tolle the other night when I was atizz looking for inspiration for my mummy life (you know when you open a favourite book to any page for guidance) I am now questioning my identity as a mother.

Tolle writes (pages 90 – 100),

What really matters is not what function you fulfill in this world, but whether you identify with your function to such an extent that it takes you over and becomes a role that you play.

But that’s me. I’m so over identified with being a mum that I’m here writing a blog about it. If I were to describe my day it would be all about the children. Sleeping with a four year old’s feet in my face. Being chased on the street by a close friend, very sweet but misguided who was shouting at my 6 year old son for taking 30 helium balloons from a birthday party. My 2 ½ year old causing havoc at the Norwood police station trying to climb over the counter and asking every police man he saw, ‘What you doing?’ whilst I was opening a case for my lost cell phone. And that was just yesterday.

Everywhere I go I’m a mother with a kid, and when I’m not with my sweet boys I’m a guilty mother doing her own thing.

Tolle says,

When you play roles, you are unconscious. When you catch yourself playing a role, that recognition creates a space between you and the role. It is the beginning of freedom from the role. When you are completely identified with a role, you confuse a pattern of behavior with who you are, and you take yourself very seriously.’

Oops! I’m clearly unconscious.

Those pre-established roles may give you a somewhat comforting sense of identity, but ultimately, you lose yourself in them.’

Double oops! But at least it’s not only me. This loss of self according to Tolle is common in hierarchical organisations such as the military, the church, government and large companies. Furthermore there are ‘social archetypes’ which he describes. One of which is the ‘middle class housewife (not as prevalent as it used to be, but still widespread…)

Being a housewife spreads to me. I can’t believe I fit into that social archetype – but– deep gulp – I do.

Here’s the inspirational part that did some good for my seeking spirit.

It’s not meant to be that way.

Tolle says,

The all-important question is: Are you able to fulfill the function of being a parent and fulfill it well, without identifying with that function, that is, without it becoming a role?’   

So can I now write this mothering blog as long as I don’t make it my role, my being, my everything??? I wince to myself. I’m a mother but not just a mother. I’m a writer – another role, my preferred label. But I’m more than a writer.

I think I’m going to have to read the rest of ‘A New Earth’ to learn how to move beyond my ego roles of mother and writer into the consciousness of being me, Sarah (is my name also a role, a label? Mmmm..can definitely be over thought). Can I do it? I have a feeling that it’s a long process. Actually I know it to be a fact. Recreating new neural pathways of beingness. But that’s another topic to blog about. Until then…

Meanwhile I’d better go and relieve the grandparents from my three boys who are busy scrapbooking the world cup by gluing newspaper clippings to the couches.

Geez, my first post didn’t go as I’d hoped. I’ve been obsessing over my first post ever since I decided to write a blog. Meanwhile WordPress went right ahead and published my first post (or more likely I pressed the wrong button) – which has a great heading but no content. Maybe the heading was enough ‘Hello World’. I didn’t even choose it.  And somehow it would be exactly what I would have wanted. It’s so confident and full of enthusiasm. Like the world really is waiting for my blog. The people who put WordPress together are clever I’ll give you that.

And now I need to figure out how to add the cool photos and visuals that make blogs attractive, personal and fun. I’m not there yet. It’s actually a bit more work than I expected. Me being technically challenged and all. Reminds me of having babies. Forget about labour and birth not being what I expected (messy, unglamorous and unpredictable – and I had easy births) bringing up a baby (making sure it and you survive the first year) and an emotionally, intellectually well balanced child – well it’s a lot more than I bargained for. And maybe the answer really is that I’m not quite sure what’s going on like creating a new blog, but somehow it works out better than I could have figured out by myself with my obsessive thinking. Just like my first post.

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