Today was a mad, mad day. One of those heart beating, thumping days. I seriously thought by the afternoon that my heart was going to jump out of my chest from the sheer stress of it all. And even as I type this I feel like some of it coming back. Because yes I’ve managed to finally calm down at the end of a long, long day with a nice cup of chamomile tea and a piece of cote d’or dark chocolate (the nice rectangle ones wrapped in goldy paper).
Well to be honest when I first sat down with my hot cuppa my heart was still beating. I was ready to strangle my oldest who was refusing to go to sleep (we’re renovating and living at our in-laws so the princes are all unsettled) and was causing an almighty ruckus. And as I sat with that heavy, stressed out, worn out feeling (I also hadn’t slept the night before as my 2 ½ year old had a high fever and kept waking up and crying hysterically that there were lions who were going to eat him up) I thought, ‘This isn’t life, this isn’t the way I’m meant to be feeling or handling my life. I shouldn’t be at my wits end because of 2 articles due and a hectic mothering life to live as well. This is my choice.’
And the ‘aha’ bells went off somewhere in my tired body and all of a sudden I felt as if I’d had a massage. I kid you not. (That’s the only reason I’m writing here. I was way too stressed to write a blog this evening even though I really wanted to. But all that changed.)
What helped with this magical transformation was going for a walk with my friend Jacqui, who’s also a life coach, this afternoon whilst my soccer playing Prince was at his practice. I told her about how I totally lost it with him on the way to soccer as he whined about how far we were from soccer practice when we were only 100 meters (or even less) away. ‘You’re so negative,’ I ranted at him. ‘I want to hear one positive thing from you.’ La lee la lee la – I went. Because obviously I didn’t imbue any lesson of positivity or gratitude in him as I raved loony binnish.
‘We all do it,’ Jacqui coached me (she’s a natural she can’t help it) ‘Instead of recognising the facts of the moment (i.e. he is frustrated that he’s a bit late and feels he’s far away from the soccer pitch), we project our mind talk onto our children.’ Such as, ‘He’s so negative, he’ll always be negative, he’s going to get nowhere in life by being so negative. I’ve definitely failed as a parent…..’ You get the idea I’m sure.
We project our limiting beliefs on all facets of our life. So I have limiting beliefs about myself writing articles. In that moment with my cup of tea I realised that those beliefs are just that, beliefs. They’re not real unless I feed into them with my overactive imagination and make them the stressful reality that causes my blood flow to go into rollercoaster overdrive. So I move into what is. ‘What is’. I’m sure this isn’t a new concept for most of you. But we need to be reminded of it again, and again, and again as we constantly live in our minds, with its old patterns rooted in past limiting experiences.
There’s a lot more to be said on this topic and a lot more to learn. I felt a bit down at myself today for being so stressed when I knew I shouldn’t. But now I realise that that’s part of the 10 days of repentance – actualising in every day life how we want to live and be and in order to do that we need off days so that we can move into the light. So if I can keep this massaged feeling all day tomorrow I’ve achieved some sort of Teshuva. It’s an if – okay maybe a big if – but whatever the case I will report back and hope I manage for my poor heart’s sake.
By the by I haven’t forgotten the choc cake recipe. I’ve got it. It’s actually a banana choc chip recipe and the ingredients are outlandish. My email has bogged out so I’m not able to retrieve it as my friend Naami so kindly sent it right away. I will post it next blog post so you can all have healthy, very yummy dessert for next week’s feasting.