Just as I decide to write a blog about mothering I read in Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’ that we as evolved human beings are meant to move beyond our roles and into being. Uh oh where does that leave me? Other people can blog about yachting or chocolate making (is there really a chocolate making one – I want to read it). But at the age of 29 with three boys, ages 6, 4 and 2, the thing I’ve put well over 10,000 hours into is being a good, old mum. Now after reading Eckhart Tolle the other night when I was atizz looking for inspiration for my mummy life (you know when you open a favourite book to any page for guidance) I am now questioning my identity as a mother.
Tolle writes (pages 90 – 100),
‘What really matters is not what function you fulfill in this world, but whether you identify with your function to such an extent that it takes you over and becomes a role that you play.’
But that’s me. I’m so over identified with being a mum that I’m here writing a blog about it. If I were to describe my day it would be all about the children. Sleeping with a four year old’s feet in my face. Being chased on the street by a close friend, very sweet but misguided who was shouting at my 6 year old son for taking 30 helium balloons from a birthday party. My 2 ½ year old causing havoc at the Norwood police station trying to climb over the counter and asking every police man he saw, ‘What you doing?’ whilst I was opening a case for my lost cell phone. And that was just yesterday.
Everywhere I go I’m a mother with a kid, and when I’m not with my sweet boys I’m a guilty mother doing her own thing.
‘When you play roles, you are unconscious. When you catch yourself playing a role, that recognition creates a space between you and the role. It is the beginning of freedom from the role. When you are completely identified with a role, you confuse a pattern of behavior with who you are, and you take yourself very seriously.’
Oops! I’m clearly unconscious.
‘Those pre-established roles may give you a somewhat comforting sense of identity, but ultimately, you lose yourself in them.’
Double oops! But at least it’s not only me. This loss of self according to Tolle is common in hierarchical organisations such as the military, the church, government and large companies. Furthermore there are ‘social archetypes’ which he describes. One of which is the ‘middle class housewife (not as prevalent as it used to be, but still widespread…)’
Being a housewife spreads to me. I can’t believe I fit into that social archetype – but– deep gulp – I do.
Here’s the inspirational part that did some good for my seeking spirit.
It’s not meant to be that way.
‘The all-important question is: Are you able to fulfill the function of being a parent and fulfill it well, without identifying with that function, that is, without it becoming a role?’
So can I now write this mothering blog as long as I don’t make it my role, my being, my everything??? I wince to myself. I’m a mother but not just a mother. I’m a writer – another role, my preferred label. But I’m more than a writer.
I think I’m going to have to read the rest of ‘A New Earth’ to learn how to move beyond my ego roles of mother and writer into the consciousness of being me, Sarah (is my name also a role, a label? Mmmm..can definitely be over thought). Can I do it? I have a feeling that it’s a long process. Actually I know it to be a fact. Recreating new neural pathways of beingness. But that’s another topic to blog about. Until then…
Meanwhile I’d better go and relieve the grandparents from my three boys who are busy scrapbooking the world cup by gluing newspaper clippings to the couches.